For a while now, I’ve been collecting tweets that either made me laugh or made me think. I thought I’d share them with you today.
Pick out your favorite and send the URL of this post to its author : http://lnk.gd/2t
tedmurphy when life hands you lemons add vodka, ice and a little umbrella.about 9 hours ago from web
megfowler the more drama you bring to the table, the less room there is for anything valuable.3:51 PM May 26th from web
tedmurphy If you can talk someone out of being an entrepreneur they shouldn’t be one in the first place.2:46 PM May 22nd from Tweetie
GeekMommy Based on the gibberish in most blog comment spam? I can only assume the spammers are taking the pills before trying to sell them1:48 PM May 22nd from web
timoreilly “The US Constitution does not guarantee happiness, only the pursuit of it.” Benjamin Franklin #quotes12:36 PM May 11th from twhirl
tedmurphy I am wearing pants today and I am not happy about it.11:37 AM May 11th from web
megfowler @limeduck aphex twin videos scare the monkeybananas out of me.11:16 AM May 11th from web
jimkukral “The future will depend on what we do in the present.” Mahatma Gandhi (1869–1948)10:40 AM May 11th from TweetDeck
copyblogger If you think there’s a “right” way to use Twitter, and go around telling people they’re “wrong,” you’re a jackass.6:49 PM May 6th from web
wbaustin Why don’t pumpkins smoke? They’re on the patch.10:56 AM May 4th from web
MLDina Several small children and their parents are about to be mauled by my shopping cart11:01 AM May 3rd from txt
thinkgeek Why do we sponsor Thomas Jefferson HS robotics competition? B/c “Chuck Norris Can Make This Robot Run on Fear Alone” http://cli.gs/S3yt0q2:02 PM May 1st from twhirl
BenSpark RT: @paulgiunta: Chuck Norris doesn’t #followfriday. Friday follows him.11:57 AM May 1st from TwitterFox
GeekMommy OH @jenchicago – “better to blog for yourself and have no audience than to blog for your audience and have no self” #sobcon11:46 AM May 1st from web
friskygeek I plan to contract as much wine flu tonight as possible.11:04 AM May 1st from Tweetie
centernetworks someone tried to mug me on the subway – i told the guy “you better stop now or im going to cough on you”9:53 AM Apr 30th from web
Mark_Braunstein I promised the wife i’d take her out to dinner for her birthday, but due to finances we’re going to KFC to lick other people’s fingers11:25 PM Apr 29th from web
jimkukral Landed Portland Maine I do not have mask to avoid lobsterflu probably a mistake?7:58 PM Apr 28th from TwitterFon
nickthrolson Advertising may be described as the science of arresting the human intelligence long enough to get money from it.2:53 PM Apr 28th from Ping.fm
ironicsans I guess all those things that were going to happen when pigs fly can happen now that swine flew.2:01 PM Apr 27th from web
copyblogger “Arguing with a fool proves there are two.” ~Doris M. Smith1:22 PM Apr 27th from web
tedmurphy I either have #swineflu or bad gas. I am not sure what is worse for national security.12:47 PM Apr 27th from web
centernetworks thanks to american idol for killing some of my favorite songs5:41 PM Apr 14th from web
megfowler billie jean is not my lover.1:57 PM Apr 2nd from web
dtrinh @garyvee I paid a kid 50 cents to fart on another kid when I was 7 … where does that put me?4:49 PM Apr 1st from web
megfowler If you can’t feed a hundred people, then feed just one. — Mother Teresa2:13 PM Mar 23rd from web
terriesm I want a pocket sized Jennifer Tilly.10:57 PM Mar 21st from txt
kinseys don’t know if I say it enough but I am so incredibly thankful for all that God has given me… except for my boobs. I need new ones.10:54 PM Mar 21st from mobile web
copyblogger This 3-month cough of mine has me muttering “I’m your Huckleberry” to random people in the street – http://is.gd/8ZsG3:19 PM Mar 21st from web
shoestringing One good customer well taken care of could be more valuable than $10,000 worth of advertising. Jim Rohn3:00 PM Mar 21st from web
Pamela_Lund Just had an amusing convo trying to inform my non-english speaking neighbor that his fly was down. He thought I was crazy for about 30 secs.1:52 PM Mar 21st from twhirl
krystyl oh looks like theyve created a ‘tanning pill’ which i am sure they will eventually say causes cancer http://is.gd/oeln11:42 AM Mar 20th from twhirl
formerlyCwalken She said I should talk more about my cat; that people like that sort of thing here. I didn’t know I still had a cat. Explains a few things.9:53 AM Mar 20th from web
jenn bah. “cisco fatty” is no “I KISS YOU”, Kids on the Interwebs will meme anything these days. When I was young, we used to meme uphill…11:34 AM Mar 18th from twhirl
GorillaSushi My house has special acoustics that allow me to hear the wife singing loudly upstairs but she can’t hear me laughing loudly down here.5:20 PM Mar 14th from TwitterFox
BT I am about to go tear the ass off a stack of pancakes with the munchkin at a Maple Syrup festival!!8:13 AM Mar 14th from TweetDeck
copyblogger I haven’t been this drunk since grade school. #sxsw7:54 PM Mar 13th from Tweetie
copyblogger “Time is a great teacher, but unfortunately it kills all its pupils.” ~Louis Berlioz9:48 PM Mar 11th from web
copyblogger Got home and couldn’t figure out if it was the dog or cat who puked on the floor. The dog just confessed with an encore.7:10 PM Mar 10th from web
rael The idea of waking up an hour earlier just to find out it is National Napping Day is cruel.2:49 PM Mar 9th from Tweetie
formerlyCwalken An escalator in Grand Central Station is out-of-service. I stood on it for a minute or two in the name of subtle irony. No-one else did.2:19 PM Mar 6th from web
jimmyfallon A 10 year old kid just yelled “Lick it for ten” at me. Oh my god, what have I done?11:56 AM Mar 6th from Tweetie
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