Everyone’s always talking about the coolest new cell phones, but I think it’s also important to bring some attention to the abominations that somehow actually make it it market. It seems that too often, some company decides to do something different and new, but lands way off the mark. Here are 8 phones that you will pray nobody every gets you as a gift.

F88 Wrist Watch Mobile Phone
(thanks, GizmoWatch)
I decided to start with something that isn’t all that horrible. It is a bit super-geeky, in fact, but just too bulky to be caught wearing. I mean, you might as well walk around with a Treo strapped to your wrist and get it over with.

Virgin Lobster 700TV / HTC Monet
(thanks, Mobile Gazette)
Lobster? Really? I think whoever named it was trying to send a message to the people who designed it. It’s different, sure, but it’s not “good different”. Let’s chop that fat off the side for starters.

Car Themed Phones
(thanks, DialAPhone)
If you are so ego-sensitive that you must have your cell phone look like your expensive car, people are probably already laughing at you behind your back, so go ahead and buy one of these. It’s a cute idea if you’re a 10-year-old.

Ugly for the super rich
(thanks, World of Wonder)
At a cool million bucks, this is one of the ugliest things you can go broke buying. If you see someone sporting one of these, steal it and smash it into bits. This is financial Darwinism for people like Paris Hilton.

$23k Ivory Ugly
(thanks, TechEBlog)
You could spend $23,000 on this super-ugly phone, or you could just buy a white phone and send it to me along with $500. I’ll drop the phone out of a moving car every day for 3 weeks, then I’ll leave it with a 3-pack-a-day smoker for a month, then I’ll send you back a phone that looks close to the one pictured here.

Dual LCD, Many levels of ugly
(thanks, Gizmodo)
A dual LCD phone probably sounded like a great idea when it popped out of someone’s mouth. Then they started putting the plan into action. How hard can it be to make the first real dual LCD phone? Not that hard, I guess, when you completely forget about making something anyone would want to use, buy, or be seen in public holding.

Football (soccer in the USA) Phone
(thanks, PCNews.ro)
I know it’s a phone, but I still want to kick it. This is actually pretty brilliant. Next time your 12-year-old begs you to buy them a cell phone, just grab one of these babies and you’ll probably not be begged for a car 4 years later.

The Ugliest Phone Ever
(thanks, MobileWhack)
This phone should be set aflame, stomped out, urinated on, shot, and then buried in a deep, deep hole. I don’t know why anyone would pay thousands of dollars for this hideous phone, but if you know someone who did, get them mental health assistance immediately.